I am old fashioned.

Have you ever been in the club, dancing with a drink in your hand when a guy comes up to you and starts grinding on you like it's your wedding night? He leans in and you can smell the alcohol on his breath as he whispers "I'm in to having sex, I ain't in to making love - so come give me a hug if you in to getting rubbed." Immediately, you know this guy is the ONE. What a gentleman, your knight in shining armor. All that's left is to follow him home - with only his first name and promise of a good time from your obvious soul mate.

Call me old-fashioned but I hope no self-respecting woman ever puts herself in this situation. If you have - don't worry there's a tub of Lysol and pew at church with your name on it - redemption is one physical and mental bleach-bath away. But really- when did this attitude and course of action become ok? When did we, as a society, agree that "hooking up in the club" or telling girls "you ain't gonna tie me down" become the things we strive for?

I blame rap music. Seriously.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for a tight beat with a strong bass. Hova, Weezy and 'Ye are some of my favorites who create modern day poetry with their innovative raps behind unbelievably catchy tracks. I just lament the death of femininity and the complete objectification of the woman in today's mainstream music. Seriously - if any other people group talked and wrote songs about another people group like men write songs about women (and women about men sometimes, I'm looking at you - Rihanna) they would be run out of the "embrace everyone" Hollywood culture.
I realize I sound like an "angry feminist" but really, I just listen to the words that are being shouted to me on every top 40 radio station - and actually listen to what those words mean and the ideas they represent.

So call me old-fashioned. I guess I am. I don't want to go back to a time where women were all but banned from the workplace - but I would like to find ourselves in an attitude of reverence for both genders, for something other than casual sex, and for getting to know someone not only because "you looking good in those jeans - you'd look even better with me in between."

I am old fashioned. I am a bit of a feminist as well. I am listening Sarah Bareilles - feminist pop at it's finest (up next is 'Ye, don't worry).

I am back.

-Run a marathon (shoot, I'd settle for a half-marathon)
-stop biting my nails
-lose weight
-start a craft
-keep my closet in something resembling order
 ... and the list goes on.

No, this is not my "to do" list - sadly it has become my "want to -but just can't list." I have all of these grand ideas and hopes - Start a blog! Write on it everyday!....and inevitably I always find myself falling short of my self imposed high hopes. I don't know what it is about my chemical make up that anchors my bottom to the couch most nights - but I just can't seem to find the motivation to do anything other than cook dinner, eat dinner and then pass out.

The really sad part of all of this is I have this same commitment problem with people. I'll meet a new person and immediately construct all these grand ideas - We could be best friends! Let's get together each week! We could raise our children together!!
...the promises go on.
What's worse is this particular character flaw doesn't just hurt my own dreams and wishes - it takes other people down with me. Not everyone is as fickle with their desires as I am, and not everyone lacks the will to follow through. I hurt people in the worst way possible - by just fading out of reach.

Thankfully I'm aware. I'm working on it. I know I'm like this and I try every day to be a little less lazy, a little less fickle and try a little harder to do the things I really want to do. And that includes getting off the couch, going running when I want to nap - and making a better attempt at writing more blogs.

I am back. I am continually fighting my tendency to fall short of my goals. I am starting by keeping up this blog again - I know, you're excited... I am too.