I am a hypochondriac.

Here's something to never do - date a budding psychologist. (marrying one is a different matter - ca-ching.) He will give you neat little psychological assessments for "class projects" that reveal far too much about your damaged psyche. What did I find out? I am pretty much a hypochondriac.

I'm not kidding. I'm one point away on some test from being able to be clinically diagnosed as a hypochondriac. Surprise, surprise. I can't help it if I feel my body too much. I am acutely aware of every ache, pain and strain my body feels - therefore I think everything is a lot more serious than it is. Adding to my irrational fears are countless hours watching ER, House and Grey's Anatomy that have given me enough working knowledge of the human body to realize I could die at any moment. Left side pain? Could be a rupturing appendix. Headache? Brain tumor. Indigestion? Ulcers.

Adding to the irrationality of it all is an overriding distrust of any and all doctors. Why? I don't really know. I just know I feel like they never really listen to what I'm saying and either write it off as a "viral infection" or the common cold. Did we even entertain the idea it could be cancer? I COULD BE DEAD TOMORROW AND YOU'RE GIVING ME COUGH MEDICINE. I wish I was kidding - but these are the things I think about.

I just have this deep feeling that life is too good. I have been blessed with too many wonderful things to keep this up. I just know at any moment my body's going to give up on me and I'm going to start experiencing the payment for all my years of blessings and happiness. Why should I get it all? I don't think that's the way life works - and if someone is going to pay for it... I'd rather it be me.

I am a hypochondriac. I am scared of life's dark side. I am taking a sick day from work tomorrow.

Photo: What happened during my last trip to the doctor's office (a sleep study - and what I had to try to sleep in)

No comments:

Post a Comment